Secrets Of Highly
Successful Couples
Highly successful couples
know that making the relationship a top priority is vital. They don't
allow it to derail. They know the ingredients that are necessary to
keep each other content, happy, healthy and satisfied. To put it
simply "Any deep relationship to another human being requires
watchfulness and nourishment."
1. Successful couples enjoy each
other. It's just that simple. They like to be together, talk
together, do things together. Former Beatle Ringo Starr has been
married to his wife Barbara for more than three decades. He says the
"secret" to the couple's longevity is this: "I'm just
blessed that she puts up with me. I love the woman. She loves me.
There are less down days than up, and we get on really well. We spend
a lot of time together. That's the deal."
2. Successful couples fight skillfully.
"In conflict, be fair and generous," is wisdom from The
Tao. When two people live together, they are bound to have
differences of opinion and disagreements. Successful couples fight
but do it skillfully; in a way that leaves the relationship stronger,
not weaker. One technique they employ is their choice of words. For
example, University of California (Berkeley) researchers looked at
"connected" couples and discovered that they tend to use
plural pronouns ("we", "us" and "ours")
rather than singular pronouns ("I", "me" and
"mine"). As a result, they were less likely to feel
stressed out after the disagreement than couples who used singular
pronouns. "Using 'we language' during a fight helps couples
align themselves on the same team, as opposed to being adversaries,"
notes lead author Benjamin Seider.
3. Successful couples seek and offer
forgiveness. They may not forgive and forget, but they do forgive and
let it go. When they have done something wrong or hurtful, they offer
an apology. When they are the wronged party, they accept the gift of
an apology. Successful couples travel the pathway toward forgiving,
which is outlined by author Clarissa Pinkola Estes, who cites these
four stages for arrival at complete forgiveness:
-- Forgo: Take a break from thinking
about the person or event for a while.
-- Forebear: Abstain from punishing,
neither thinking about it nor acting on (the offense) in small or
large ways. Give a bit of grace to the situation.
-- Forget: Refuse to dwell; let go and
loosen one's hold, particularly on memory. To forget is an active —
not passive — endeavor.
-- Forgive: Make a conscious decision
to cease to harbor resentment, which includes forgiving a debt and
giving up one's resolve to retaliate.
More from YourTango: Bah Humbug? Why
Gift-Giving Is Crucial To Your Relationship
4. Successful couples are in for the
long haul. "There are only two options regarding commitment.
You're either in or you're out. There's no such thing as life in
between," says professional basketball coach Pat Riley.
Successful couples don't just make promises to each other; they
commit. After a marriage that spans 30 years, a couple named Doris
and Jim say, "We are happy together because we have lived out
our vows — for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in
sickness and in health." When Doris was in a serious auto
accident a few years ago she remembers that "Jim was there all
the way. He's an incredible husband, the most selfless person. He's
the only person in the world I know I can count on."
5. Successful couples are positive
about each other. Marriage researcher John Gottman, Ph.D, says happy
couples have relationships "characterized by respect, affection
and empathy, and they pay close attention to what's happening in each
other's lives." Furthermore, his research reveals that happy and
stable couples "made five positive remarks for every one
negative remark when they were discussing conflict. In contrast,
couples headed for divorce offered less than one positive remark for
every single negative remark
6. Successful couples learn and grow
together. One couple, after being married for 30 years, decided they
would both return to university for master's degrees in liberal arts.
"It took us nearly five years. We had a great time being in
class together, studying together, reading together. The program
allowed us to expand our horizons as we took courses in religion,
politics, literature, history, foreign policy. We even persuaded one
professor to let us write a paper together: joint authors!"
Partners in successful couples play to each other's strengths and
interests. If one partner becomes more health conscious, the other
joins. If one partner takes up a new activity, the other partner
becomes supportive and involved. The end result is a stronger
emotional bond and a deeper love.
7. Successful couples never stop
dating. That was one of the "secrets" of a happy
relationship uncovered by Matthew Boggs and Jason Miller. The duo
traveled over 12,000 miles searching and interviewing people they
called "marriage masters" — those married 40 years or
more. One common element to many marriage masters was their ability
to keep the romance going. Some set aside one evening a week for a
date, others planned romantic getaways periodically, while others
still met most afternoons for conversation at a coffee or tea shop.
More from YourTango: The One Radical
Rule That Saved My Relationship
8. Successful couples bring each other
joy. In his book, The Real Rules of Life: Balancing Life's Terms with
Your Own, Ken Druck, Ph.D, tells about a workshop he gave to his wife
as a birthday gift. "She had a beautiful voice that she rarely
used. What better gift than to unleash the joy she already
possessed." In the workshop, participants of every age and
background were encouraged to "vanquish the wagging finger of
self-condemnation and sing their hearts out." The workshop high
point was a live concert for family and friends. "With the
exception of our children's births, I can never recall my wife as
having been so joyful and happy."
9. Successful couples adhere to the
60/40 rule. Boggs and Miller also discovered that "marriage
masters" have a high level of selflessness. "Walter"
whom they interviewed, told them, "I'll never forget what my
mentor told my wife and me before we got married 42 years ago. He
looked at us and said, 'Most people think marriage is 50/50. It's
not. It's 60/40. You give 60. You take 40. And that goes for both of
you." It was a principle Walter and his wife adhered to
faithfully.
10. Successful couples have shared
values. When asked about her successful relationship of 58 years,
"Emma" age 87, smiled and proudly said, "It is quite
an achievement. It's important to have the same basic values. In
other words, if you're a free spender, marry someone who understands
that. If you're frugal, you need to marry someone who understands
that because money is one of the stumbling blocks in marriage.
Fortunately, we had the same values on most things. We usually had
the same goals — we believed in education; we wanted to be moral;
we wanted to raise children to be good citizens and to be responsible
in terms of finances."
Poet Robert Browning put the secret to
successful couples in a nutshell when he wrote, "Success in
marriage is more than finding the right person: It is being the right
person."
By Katula for more information visit
www.fastmagicspells.co.za/love-spells.html
Witchcraft
www.fastmagicspells.co.za/witchcraft.html
Black magic
www.fastmagicspells.co.za/black-magic.html
No comments:
Post a Comment